Eve of Destruction or Don't Build a Robot if You Have Issues

This story follows the (mis)adventures of Gergory Hines as Colonel Jim McQuade , who has been tasked with stopping an evil robot. Ok so I'll back it up just a bit. Dr. Eve Simmons  played by Renee Soutendijk, and by the way she also plays the Robot Eve VIII. Basically it's your man-hating scientist is commissioned by the government to make a robot. She makes said robot to look like her and gives it all her memories...including the " Johnny just dumped me he's a douche" memories. Now give her a self-preservation mode, hatred of humans, super strenght...oh and I forgot to mention a NUKE in her belly. Needless to say she goes hay-wire, Gregory Hines has to stop her, she kills anyone who tries to kill her and will set off the Nuke if you really piss her off! All in all...to me screams cheap Terminator plot but is a great movie for BAD movie night...other wise MEH! (and yes I said MEH) Oh and by the way not ONE dance number from Mr. Hines!

Written by:Duncan Gibbins and Yale Udoff
Directed by: Duncan Gibbins
Starring: Gregory Hines, Renee Soutendijik, Michael Greene
Runtime: 99 minutes
Rated R

Home for the Holidays OR How to put the FUN in disFUNction: An American Tale.

In today's society we have this unique phenomena. For approximately two months from the end of October to the end of December we in America plunge into a frenzy of food, shopping, family and stress, and we do this voluntarily! We try to fashion our gatherings to represent a Norman Rockwell painting, but it usually ends up looking like "The Scream" by Edvard Munch.  So in that spirit I bring you "Home for the Holidays"..starring Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., Anne Bancroft, Charles Durning, Dylan Mc Dermott, Steve Guttenberg, Cynthia Stevenson, Claire Danes, and Geraldine Chaplin (daughter of the late, great Charlie Chaplin). This is a story, of love, regret, family and insanity....so hang on he we go kiddos!

FOLLOWING HERE THERE ARE SPOILERS...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! SO NO WHINING!

Claudia Larson, is sick...not in the perverse way....she has a cold and is looking forward to getting some rest, however this is not to be. She is unexpectedly laid off from her job at the museum, which then spontaneously turns into a make out session with her now ex-boss. Leaving this rather awkward situation, she does her mini walk-o'-shame and meets her daughter Kitt, who is taking her to the airport to fly home for Thanksgiving with the family. As Kitt is dropping her mother off she reminds Claudia to relax and just "float" (remembering a snorkeling trip the two took together), and then casually lets her mother know that she will be having sex for the first time while Claudia is away, leaving her to wander off to her flight, leaving her coat behind. Not to worry when she lands Mom has got a nice 80's style puffy housewife coat for her to wear.

Arriving at her parents house she spends the day getting settled in, counting down to T-Day. That night as she is settling in for some sleep she is interrupted by a night-vision goggle wearing prowler in her bedroom, that turns out to be her mischievous little brother Tommy. Tommy decided to surprise everyone by driving down with what appears to be his new boyfriend Leo Fish, of course begging the question throughout the whole movie what happened to Tommy's longtime partner Jack. Enter the no nonsense sister Joanne and her humorless husband Walter.  Now add into this mix the creepy depressing ex-high school-boyfriend  Russell, who Claudia's mom is trying to set her up with, and you would think you're done. OOOOOH NO, you are forgetting the crazy Aunt, c'mon we have that ONE relative, Glady. Glady is rather eccentric (that's the nice way of saying she is off her nut), who has always harbored a crush on Claudia's dad and has penchant for giving away furniture to strangers.

Now the whole motley crew is assembled and the dinner debauchery can commence. Instead of just being able to sit down to a nice dinner like the mom wanted, things rapidly spiral out of control. Mom has her traditional turkey, while Joanne insists on her Tofu Turkey, or Tofurkey being served. This escalates into one of the funniest moments of turkey on human violence I have seen since the Mr.Bean debacle of 1992.

Ok I couldn't resist since this is one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie.





After this Joanne comes out and explains why she is so upset with Tommy...he and his partner, Jack, got married, and she is embarrassed because friends of her's know. Of course Claudia is happy and now can let on that she likes Leo, who is not Tommy's date, but the business partner for Tommy's restaurant endeavors.  In a later scene Claudia treks over to her sister's house to bring leftovers and to talk things out. So while Joanne works out, refusing to stop to talk to her sister, it comes out just how unhappy she is and tells Claudia that basically if they weren't family that she would never associate with her. Claudia leaves there feeling unresolved and ready to go home. Come the next day Claudia is once more back at the airport heading home, to find that she is flying back with Leo. After some small talk looks like things may be looking a little up for her as she and Leo share a drink.

All in all I truly love this film...it has found it's way into my holiday rotation, right up there with little Ralphie and his Red Rider BB gun. It has the right mix of humor, drama, family dynamic ( granted it's REALLY a dysfunctional one), and a little bit of pathos. Robert Downey Jr.'s humor and hyperactivity is the perfect thing to put up against Holly Hunter's laid back and low key delivery. So I would say if you have been the cruel victim of the holiday massacre that is Thanksgiving this is the movie for you, and if you haven't, run out find a family and just insert yourself into the festivities...(the Management takes no responsibility for any jail time or restraining orders this may generate).

Home for the Holidays

Written by: Chris Radant and W.D. Richter (short story and screenplay respectively)

Directed by: Jodie Foster

Produced by: Jodie Foster

Starring: Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., Anne Bancroft, Charles Durning, Dylan McDermott, Steve Guttenberg, Cynthia Stevenson, and Claire Danes

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 103 minutes

In honor of Joanne's  Tofurkey....and because some of you have asked for a Vegetarian dish:

Vegan Tofu Turkey ( Tofurkey )

Courtesy of  Chefinyou.com

Basic Information

Prep Time: 8 hours to 1 day

Cook Time: 1 to 2 hours

Serves: 6 people

Ingredients

• For the Tofu Turkey
• 5 14-oz. tubs extra-firm tofu
• 2 tsp. ground dried thyme
• 2 tsp. rubbed sage
• 1 tsp. onion powder
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• about 1 tsp orange zest (optional)
• salt and pepper to taste ( if you want to use vegan bouillon powder, skip the salt)
• For the Marinade
• 1/4 -1/2 cups low sodium tamari or gluten free soy sauce
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp orange juice
• 1/2 tsp sesame oil
• For the stuffing - approximate measurements, use as per taste ( original recipe in VT 35th anniversary issue, Or use your own stuffing of choice)
• about 4 cups of gluten free bread cubes ( or use oatmeal or whole wheat bread cubes)
• 1/2 cup almonds, coarsely chopped and toasted
• 1 small-medium red onion
• 1 celery stick
• 1 apple, peeled and diced ( i kept the peel)
• 1/2 tbsp fresh sage, cut into thin strips
• 1/2 tbsp chopped cilantro or parsley
• 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
• 1/4 tsp ground peppercorns
• 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1/2 tbsp maple syrup
• 1/2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 cups dried cherries
• 1/2 cup no-salt vegetable broth or water

Method

1

Method ( Tofu Turkey - Previous night Bring the tofu to room temperature. Squeeze tofu of excess water and take small bits and place them in a processor.

2

Process them little by little until smooth.

3

Place them in a large bowl and mix all the seasoning. You can at this point even taste the tofu and add more seasoning or flavor to make sure it does not taste real bland.

4

Wet cheesecloth, wring it out and smoothly line a colander with it—no wrinkles.

5

Drop the tofu inside the colander and press it into the sides and bottom of the colander.

6

Place this colander on a plate. Bring the hanging cheesecloth on the sides into the center to cover the tofu.

7

Now place a plate right on top of the tofu and give it a slight press. Use a heavy object to place on top of the plate. This is to help the tofu drain excess water through the colander. Place this inside the refrigerator overnight (ideal time). This helps the tofu to absorb the seasoning well too.

8

Method (On day of making the tofu turkey) - For the Stuffing I eyeballed most of the ingredients, so use your discretion when preparing them. Place the cubed bread cubes on a baking sheet and bake them in a preheated 225F oven for 20-30 minutes or until dry and crisp.

9

Meanwhile, heat a skillet. Add about 1 tsp oil and saute the onions and cook for 3-4 minutes or until soft. Add celery and saute for 2 minutes more.

10

Stir in the apples along with other seasonings. Cook for 5 minutes. Add maple syrup and the vinegar and remove from heat.

11

Combine the bread cubes along with apple mixture. Stir in almonds and dried cherries. Transfer to a greased baking sheet and pour broth over the top. Cover with foil and bake for 20-30 minutes or until the stuffing begins to brown on top. You can make a crisp filling by removing the foil and baking for 10 minutes more.

12

Method - For the Marinade Mix all the ingredients for the under the marinade until combined.

13

Method - For the Assembly Preheat oven to 375F. Drain the Tofu water from the plate on which you placed the colander.

14

Remove weight and plate from colander.

15

Now scoop some tofu from the center. Make sure to leave at least 1-2 inches on the sides and bottom.

16

Now fill this hollow with the stuffing.

17

Now top the stuffing with the scooped out tofu.

18

Make sure to smooth the surface and level it out.

19

Place a large oven to table baking sheet (I used a pie plate large enough to cover the colander opening) on top of the colander.

20

Hold tightly, and slowly invert colander onto the plate so that tofu-turkey drops gently onto dish.

21

Now slowly remove the cheesecloth from the tofu.

22

Can you see the white dome now?

23

Baste the tofu turkey with the prepared marinade.

24

Bake for 15 minutes.

25

Baste again. reduce the heat to 350F and bake for another 1 hour, basting as many times it strikes your fancy.

26

Once baked, you see a beautifully crisped tofu surface.
The most amazing after effects of this meal with striking similarities to the real thing -
1) We felt full in matter of minutes. The tofu protein did it.
2) The crust was crispy and meaty inside. The stuffing added amazing combo to the tofu. A few bites of the orange and apple in the middle (which I placed as a garnish) also went v well with this tofurkey.
3) We had LEFTOVERS and lots of them
But one advantage over the real turkey would be low calorie content comparatively me thinks

C

It's LEGEND or Meg's 101 Ways to Cook a Foul Tasting Fairy

Take Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry,  and Ridley Scott...add a dose of unicorns, fairies, elves, latent sexual overtones, cannibalism, and a pinch of Hell...shake well, bake at 350 for 30 minutes and what do you get? Unabashed Awesome on a plate!!! Yes kiddies we are talking Legend this week, sleeper in the theaters, fan fav in home releases, and if you have not seen it you better stop here because I am going to spoil the hell out of this one in 3....2....1.......

This is the story of Lili and Jack. Lili is the local princess of the realms, who likes to sneak out to the forest to be with her love, the forest boy, Jack. Jack who has been raised by the creatures of the forest decides he is going to take Lili to see the last two of the Unicorns. At the same time Darkness conspires to bring unending night to the world so sends out his top goblin Blix to kill the "ugly one-horned mules". The Unicorns show up and Lili despite Jack's protests touches one of them, making them vulnerable to Blix's secret attack. Blix takes the horn from one of the Unicorns and after some goblin games gives it to his master Darkness.

Darkness in the meantime has taken a fancy to our princess and captures her and brings her to his realm, as well as bringing the remaining Unicorn (planning on making the earlier his wife and the latter his sacrifice to bring darkness to the world).  Meanwhile, in the forest Jack is admonished by Gump for his foolishness in the name of love. So Gump, Oona the fairy and a merry band of drunken dwarves head out to get Jack suited up in armor and weapons to confront Darkness.

Lili meantime is being wooed by Darkness, in a very memorable scene, tempting her with food, drink, and baubles. Reminiscent of the Hades/Persephone myth, Darkness knows if he gets Lili to imbibe she is his. Lili refuses but in the end says she will be his if only he will let her kill the last Unicorn.



Jack and his merry band make their way through hell and concoct a plan to reflect light from the surface into the darkness to defeat Darkness (yes one is a condition the other is a proper noun). So as Lili fakes that she is going to sacrifice the Unicorn, Jack brings light in. Lili frees the Unicorn and Darkness is cast down, Lili brings the severed horn to the first Unicorn and it magically bonds back, healing it and the world is saved.

 

All in all this film still rates as one of my favorites. Despite the big names it amazes me how few people know this film exists, I would definitely recommend this one. The performances given by Mia Sara and Tom Cruise are very well done, both at this time were not very big stars, but Tim Curry as Darkness steals the show, this is definitely one of his best performances. There are two versions of this floating out there: a re-issue with the soundtrack by Jerry Goldsmith and the original with a soundtrack by Tangerine Dream, both have their merits but I prefer the original myself. I suggest if you have not seen this one try and find it as soon as possible.

 

Legend

Written by: William Hjortsberg

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Produced by: Joseph P. Grace

Starring: Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, and Tim Curry

Rating: PG

Runtime: 94 minutes (114 minutes Director's Cut)

 

Lucky you! You get two recipes this time...food and drink to wash it down with:

 

 

Bête Noire (or the smaller “Heart of Darkness” Chocolate Cakes)

(from Lora Brody’s Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet)

Preparation: 15 minutes

Baking time: 30 minutes (approx.

20 min for the smaller cakes)

Serves: 12 (or 16 heart-shaped cakes. )

Ingredients

8 ounces unsweetened chocolate, broken in small pieces

4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, broken in small pieces

1 1/3 cups superfine sugar

1/2 cup water

2 sticks (8 ounces) sweet (unsalted) butter, at room temperature, cut into 10 chunks

5 extra large eggs, at room temperature

Directions

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees with the rack in the center position. Lightly grease a 9″ layer cake pan and then line the bottom with a 9″ circle of parchment. Lightly grease the parchment. Set the cake pan in a jelly roll pan or roasting pan.

By hand:

Combine one cup of the sugar and the water in a medium sized saucepan and, stirring occasionally, cook over moderate heat until the sugar dissolves and the mixture comes to a vigorous boil. Turn off the heat and immediately add the chocolate to the boiling syrup and stir until it is completely dissolved.

Stir in the butter, one chunk at a time, stirring until each chunk is incorporated before adding the next.

Beat the eggs together with the remaining 1/3 cup of sugar until they are foamy and slightly thickened and then whisk them into the chocolate beating well to incorporate all the ingredients.

Pour and scrape the mixture into the prepared pan and level the batter with a rubber scraper.

Place the chocolate in the work bowl of a food processor. Crack the eggs into a spouted cup. Combine the 1 1/3 cups sugar and the water in a saucepan and stirring occasionally, cook over moderate heat until the sugar dissolves and the mixture comes to a vigorous boil. Pour the boiling syrup over the chocolate, cover the processor with the feed tube in place and process for about 12 seconds or until the chocolate is completely melted and the mixture smooth. With the machine on add the butter a chunk at a time, then add the eggs. Process for an additional 15 seconds.

Pour and scrape the batter into the prepared pan, leveling the top with a rubber scraper.

To Bake:
Place the cake pan and jelly roll (or roasting pan) in the oven and pour hot water to the depth of about one inch into the larger pan.

Bake the cake for exactly thirty minutes (about 20 minutes for the Heart of Darkness cakes). The top will have a thin dry crust on top, but the inside will be very moist. Carefully remove the cake pan from the oven (leave the water bath until it cools).

Cover the top of the cake with a piece of plastic wrap. Invert the cake onto a flat plate or cookie sheet. Peel off the parchment. Cover with a light, flat plate and immediately invert again.

Serves 12.

Cherry Sauce

Ingredients
1 cup fresh cherries, stemmed and pitted
3/4 cup water
1/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp vanilla
1 tbsp bourbon

Directions
Place water and cherries in a pot and set heat to medium. Let this come to a boil and then add the sugar. Raise temperature to high and cook for three minutes, constantly stirring as to make sure it does not burn. Lower heat to a simmer and let cook for eight minutes, stirring frequently. Add vanilla and bourbon, stir and cook for one minute. Add more sugar if needed. Otherwise, turn off heat and let the sauce cool (it will also thicken a bit more at this point).

 

Unicorn Cocktail Recipe

Ingredients :

- 2 parts irish cream (bailey's)

- 1 part brandy

- 1 part coffee liqueur (tia maria,kahlua)

- 1 part vodka

- 1 dash orange liqueur (cointreau, grand marnier...)

- 1 dash melon liqueur (midori, melloni...)

- 2 parts milk

---

Use a "Shaker" for Unicorn drink recipe

Pour all ingredients into cocktail shaker, shake & strain into martini glass or champagne cup. Garnish with red straws & tacky plastic animals (preferably horses or mermaids) Add parasols & slice of orange if available.
Serve in "Cocktail Glass" Garnish: No
Ingredients: Irish cream (Bailey's). brandy. coffee liqueur (Tia Maria,Kahlua). vodka. orange liqueur (cointreau, grand marnier...). melon liqueur (Midori, Melloni...). milk.